Once upon a time, there was a Helenji, and whole of India used to dream of her only. Cabaret shabaret she did. Also all other types of dance forms. Uncles and bhaiyyas and babalog all dreamed of her for years and years. There were some small small dance queens like Jaishri T and Padma Khanna too, for the mujras and gajras and thumka songs. Then Hemaji came, and became a dreamgirl only! Everybody whistling and crying Basantiii Basantiiiii.
Later, Sridevi aunty came and did Hawa Hawaiii and people went crazy! Also Madhuri aunty taught us to do Ek Do Teen... and these two ruled over the Indian libido for one decade! Choli ke peeche... dhak dhak... all sorts of Chaalbazi they did, and all dewars of didis were swooning over these Roop ki ranis and dying to give Tohfa to them. So easy for poster makers no? Madhuri Sri Devi Sri Devi Madhuri, that's it!!
But then they had to marry no! Madhuri aunty chose some doctor shoctor and went to Amrika! And Sri Devi aunty God knows why fell for that boneless meatloaf Bony. Then we all thought: wha2do now!! Sure there was that bong bomb Rani. And also Kareena baby. Cute they were, sometimes hot too. But things were changing only. How you ask? Wait no, I am telling.
Bollywood people became desperate. Story and all ghanta they had. No script also. Acting? Hahaha, joking or what? So wha2do now? Simple na! ITEM NUMBER! People now did not ask what is the story, who is hero, any dhishum dhishum or what? Only they wanted to know: Item Number hai kya!! And bygod, what raapchik item girls came! Shilpa Shetty, who was shut in some can or something, came and shook her booty so hard, that not only U.P. and Bihar but whole world was robbed of dil ka qarar! And then that yummy firang, Yana Gupta, drove all Baboojis mad while dropping her bijli! Isha Khallased all of us!!! Even the ice-cold bitch Aishwarya, who could not have attracted a horny Arab deprived of the sight of a female for a hundred years, sang durrty durrty songs like Isq Kameena and raised the temperature. Sush also swayed to Mehboob Mere, only one dance step she knows though! And Ramadoss uncle so very squirmed on his butt as Bips lit our Bidis and sprinkled namak isq ka on our wounded hearts. So we were all hooked onto this item song and all.
But now!???! God, now it has become impossible only! Everywhere now girls are like too good!! You go to a theatre and drop your popcorn when Deepika Padukone comes and smiles that peachy peachy smile on that almond-like face! Next Friday you have a frolicky Freida, showing latka jhatka as Latika. And then you have a sassy Sonam fluttering her lashes and all mawalis start maaring girls maska by doing Masakalli Matakalliiii. Also mast mast Mahie Gill, doing Emosanal Atyachar on poor poor boys and smashing aeroplanes in door des ke towers!! So cool no?? Every Friday some cool new hot thing! BUT DOES IT STOP THERE??? NOOOOO!! :(
Too cruel the scene is now! You do anything, and you have to fear being driven crazy by poster girls! Want to see sport? Save yourself from SaniAAH Mirza! Now there is even a Saina! And those Bhambri sisters, dusky and all! (Frankly though, my personal favorite was always Anju Bobby, with those legs that seemed to go on forever.) Wanna watch Biz news?? Arre what biz and whither news?? So tough to watch that ticker with such ticklish treats like Ayesha Faridi, Shireen Bhan, Mitali Mukherjee and Sumaira Abidi smiling coyly! Swoon! Cricket, you planning to watch? WHOAAA, lookatthose cheerleaders! Chee cheee what are they wearing... wowww actually!!! Politics, someone said?? Wokay! Priyanks, what a fab figure! Agatha K Sangma, India's youngest MP at 27 years, what a chink! :) And make way for Kanimozhi, sultry siren from sambarland, raising the political mercury.
And now, with this cable shable and multiplayx and all, life is only tougher for tapori log. Let me not even start R&Ring about the Gisele Bundchens and Jessica Albas and Jessica Biels and Jessica Simpsons and Rihannas and Sharapovas of the world!!!
SO TOUGH then, leching now no?? Not like the good ol' days, when one-two names everyone used to chant. Wha2do!!!
22 comments:
You're the self-appointed spokesperson for the alternate brain of the indian male..
hey.. nice post..
and this is for the last one as well..
great writing!
angry young? man ;) you forgot to mention shady palika bazaar wares or even that old goldmine, madhav's laptop :P
@ slowtumblinglife: Thanks. I was able to unravel your true identity.
@ Q: Plizzz... understand my emotions, and yours are wrongly directed. This is not about sleaze, Goddamit! It is about aesthetics.
doooood...how can u forget all those babes from reality tv. i can understand with all that confusion going on in ur mind they got losssssht somewhere. nevertheless it was a good lissssshhht :))
How Sad Sabih!!..Wat2do in times of problem of plenty!!Think about the girls, they always hav a raw deal- real or reel life :P :P
I loved ur style of writing though :) Continue!
Pranima, if I did not run the danger of sounding gay, I would have reminded you of the umpteen times you would have swooned over John and Amir and Salman and Abhishek and Imran and Farhan AND Milind and Mark and Yuvaraj and Vijender Kumar AND Brad Pitt and Leonardo AND Bryan Adams ANDDD even that nigga Obama!
Good Writeup Sir! Aren't there any Hollywood babes to complete the list :). ?
Keep it up ;o)
left a link for your blog on mine, hope that's fine by you..
and keep the words flowing..
JyoT, read the penultimate paragraph. You dozed off or what while reading!
Aah nice pic...captures the essence of ur mind...
wha2do? do what you do with the motley available...
I m touched by your emotions and sympathize with you But What2do..!?
After reading your write up, it seems as if a customised and modernised version or to be specific Ekta Kapoors adapted version of "Too many cooks spoil the broth"
Correct me If i m wrong but if you add another name from small screen fame- (NutankiQueen) you will get all the more confuuuuused! Any Guesses...! Who is she?
@ Beenish: please do not say ANYTHING against Rakhi Sawant. I absolutely adore her.
So why r u wasting time here- She did invite you silenetly, you should have applied for the Swyamvar.
@ Beenish: I did not apply for Rakhi's Swayamvar because she deserves better than me.
Wah Wah. Sabi in form :)
New Days are better than good ol' days mate. You need to start exploring those regional stuff as well :P. You know I dont mean those Mallu midnite Masalas
@ Lijo: all the result of your spirited guidance. :)
@ Nariyal Chutney: your barbs are blunted if you do not reveal who you are. And I have far too many enemies to identify you readily!
Really funny and well-written..wish you had uploaded pics accompanying the text ;)
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