Poopistan

(Not suitable for reading by minors.)

Fakes. Liars. Tergiversators. Weasels. Compunction-less darned and rotten damned souls. Conglomeration of the accursed. Facinorous FUC*STERS. Pakis.

I wish a couple of those shifty Sri Lankans had had their brains blown to bits by the mad dogs that had been let loose upon them in Lahore. "Pakistan hosted six teams very well recently at the Asia Cup and I was there for the final. It was very well organised", thus had spoken the rotund Ranatunga while he was the Sri Lanka Cricket chief to sanction the SL tour to Poopistan. I am sure he must have been still more enthralled and delighted at how well-orchestrated the Monday attack was, wherein 12 heavily armed rats got wind of the changed route via which the SL team was to travel to the Gaddafi stadium in Lahore, intercepted them, shot at them and hurled grenades FOR 26 MINUTES, and then managed to disappear into the lanes of Lahore. The city police arrived on the scene a full 30 minutes after the incident began. Amazing synchronization! No wonder the pea-brained and pig-headed porcupine Ranatunga was so impressed with the organisational skills of Pakis!!!

8 days before this, on February 23, Dominic Cork, a former English fast bowler and current commentator for Pakistan TV had urged England to tour Pakistan. “I have enjoyed in Karachi a great deal and I met no difficulty here,” was his erudite comment. After the attack, he had this to say: "I won't be coming back here while I'm still living, there is no chance." HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. He had un-Corked his enjoyment a bit too prematurely, by the looks of it. And after Cork lands in London and gets over his post-enjoyment blues, he should meet The British Foreign Secretary, a dick who goes by the name of David Miliband and who is touted to lead Britain one day, and try to knock some sense into his shriveled brains. While visiting India in January 2009 and after having traveled to Amethi with that son-of-the-soil/messiah-of-the-masses/apple-of-the-eyes-of-the-aam-aadmi Rahul coochie-coochie baba, Miliband had stated that durable peace could not be achieved in the region without resolving the lingering issues like Kashmir. After he got a severe whacking from his Geography teacher, and an even severe and far more painful screwing from his foreign policy advisors, he was left bleating thus: "Look, you learn everyday in this job. You've got to try and take that forward." So the British Foreign Secretary is still LEARNING, and so is everyone else who has ever tried to hyphenate a moribund and ill-directed imploding Poopistan with a struggling but resilient and value-based democratic India. And like Thilan Samaraweera who must be shivering with pain on his bed this very moment with a bullet shot in his leg, and Kumar Sangakkara who must be twitching with a sharpnel wound in his shoulder, all of them have had to learn it the hard way. Hope their learning is complete now!!!

IMRAN KHAN! Another fine specimen of this population of cheats and scoundrels, who made a career out of using bottle tops and vaseline to impart non-existent swing to the cricket ball. This self-stlyed rambo floated a political party called 'Tehreek–E–Insaaf' in 1996 with the blessings of Lieutenant General Hamid Gul, the former Pakistani intelligence chief famous for fueling the Taliban's rise in Afghanistan. Imran Khan, as well as all the other candidates of his party, lost their deposits in the 1997 Pakistan general elections. His party again put up 272 candidates in the 2002 general elections, and won 1 out of those 272 seats, securing a total of 0.8% of the popular vote. Imran had supported Musharraf's military coup in 1999, and then went on to reject his Presidency before the 2002 elections. In the 1970s and 1980s, Imran Khan was a regular at London nightclubs such as Annabel's and Tramp. In an interview given to Guardian in 2006, he claims: 'The thing was, I hated pubs. I could not tell you how much I detested them..... I hated the smell of a pub. I hated the look of it. And of course I never drank alcohol.' In the same nightclubs, he romanced nubile belles such as Susannah Constantine, Lady Liza Campbell and the artist Emma Sergeant. And I am sure all of you remember the headlines about the British heiress Sita White, daughter of Gordon White, Baron White of Hull, who became the mother of his alleged daughter. A U.S. court even ruled him to be the father of Tyrian Jade White. In 1988 he told Australia's Sunday Mail, "Pakistan society encourages marriage. There, I lead a very steady, comfortable life. Here, it is more exciting. The pace is faster. Because of the nightclubs and parties, it is a very good place to be single." And now, this once dastardly drunkard and famed frolicker, claims to be fighting for Islamic values, 'influenced by his conversations with a mystic from the Sufi sect of Islam that began in the last years of his cricket career'. Spurred on by his spirtual awakening, Imran rooted for the pro-Taliban Islamist candidate for the Prime Minister of Pakistan in 2002 and has also declared that he hates "... it when our leaders or elite feel that by licking the soles of the feet of foreign countries we will somehow be given aid and we will progress." This hatred of his supposedly went into hibernation in 2005, when Khan was in Washington, D.C. and raised $175,000 for his much-publicised cancer hospital from the same Westerners he loathes when back in Poopistan. (Something of an Advani, who hails Modi when in Ahmedabad, cries over Muslims masscared when in U.S., and hails Jinnah as a secular leader when in the vicinity of his mausoleum!) Imran Khan had stated in November 2008: "There is no problem about the security of cricketers in Pakistan. The terrorists will never target cricketers knowing that they will then lose the battle of hearts and minds of the people. Cricketers are safe in Pakistan." He has not cared to issue a statement in the past 48 hours.

Javed Miandad. Bundle of slime. Roach of the gutters. He had this to say after the attack: "It is so sad all this carnage and terror. What is worse is that all the fears expressed by foreign teams about coming to Pakistan have been proved correct. Pakistan cricket will take a long time to recover now." So Mr. Miandad is serious about helping Pakistan cricket and improving the security situation in Pakistan?? AweZum!! He desperately wants to end "all this carnage and terror"?? WonDraful!! One small query though! WHY THE FU*K WAS HE OK WITH HIS SON JUNAID GETTING INSIDE THE PANTS OF THE DAUGHTER OF ONE OF THE MOST NOTORIOUS TERRORISTS OF THE WORLD, DAWOOD IBRAHIM, POST A WEDDING which was attended by '500 mostly unnamed guests feted to a lavish dinner in the most luxurious and colourful environment possible in Dubai'?????? ConfuZing!!

What is the objective of this Ranting and Raving (R&Ring) about Imran K and Javed M? Because the twin-faced lives of these two aZZholes denote everything that is wrong with Poopistan. That it has been built on a false notion of religious fraternity, which was blasted merely 25 years after its inception when it was split down the middle. That it has had to resort to lies and evasive tactics to hide the condemnable and destructive policies of its rulers, both political as well as military. That it is comfortable with disowning the bodies of its dead soldiers as it cannot agree to them having fought for Poopistan. That it has been LYING to the WHOLE WIDE WORLD about its ulterior motives for the past 62 years.

After so much blood has flown under the bridge, one would expect sense to supersede senility. Alas, the hopes of the sane have been dashed again. This is what the SL captain Jayawardene had to say after being airlifted in a chopper from the stadium where he was supposed to have been playing cricket with bullet and shrapnel injuries on the bodies of his teammates: “It's an unfortunate incident. In hindsight, this could have happened anywhere in the world”. AbZoludely machan! Annyywear att all! You could have been bombarded in a stadium in Herat, 650 kms from Kabul. Or in Palestine! Or in a patch in Pooneryn, the town which is doubted to be the last remaining stronghold of LTTE. Or at the sweet getaway of Kilinochchi, the ‘administrative capital’ of LTTE till quite recently. So the next time you are hosting your dear Paki brothers, please listen to your swollen herniated balls, and not your head, and choose a north Sri Lankan town as the venue- right next to Prabhakaran’s potty place- ‘cause if your defunct brain is to be blown to smithereens, it could very well happen annyywear, RIGHT?? So why choose a venue which appears to be safe, secure and conducive to a civilised sport like cricket??? That choice would make abZoludely no zenze att all, right!?!

But the star orator amidst the mayhem turned out to be the newly crowned Paki captain Younis Khan. His statements at a Press Conference post the attack were absolute shockers. Do find the
transcript below. The comments in red are of course my reactions.
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"Thank God we decided to leave our hotel five minutes after the Sri Lankans."
OH WOW, SUCH SYMPATHY FOR YOUR GUESTS, WHOM YOU ALLOWED TO LEAVE FIRST TO SWALLOW THE GRENADES! SUCH A SENSITIVE THING TO SAY, TRUE TO YOUR BENIGN PAKI SOUL!
"We are a young team and God forbid if both buses had been moving together it could have been catastrophic."
HUH! WHA! WHERE! HOW! SO YOU ARE OK WITH INZAMAM AND YOUSUF MOHAMMED BEING ROASTED?? :) WALLAH!
"This incident was very draining emotionally and we have been trying to keep our players calm."
INDEED, YOUR PLAYERS ARE USED TO LIVING IN SUBLIME AND SERENE SURROUNDINGS SINCE THEIR BIRTH! THIS MUST HAVE COME AS A REAL SHOCK TO THEM!!!
"We should all be thankful no one from the Sri Lankan team was killed."
OH YEAH! YOU SHOULD BE VERRRRY THANKFUL NOTHING THAT SERIOUS HAPPENED. AFTERALL, WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL WITH GUNS BLAZING AND GUARDS DROPPING DEAD AND GRENADES EXPLODING? THIS SORT OF THING IS NOW AS COMMON IN BOTH POOPISTAN AND SRI LANKA AS CHADDI-WALLAHS ARE IN INDIA.
"I was surprised by their reaction…. they took the incident in their stride and said they had no complaints with our people."
QUITE HEARTENING TO KNOW THAT YOU WERE ACTUALLY EXPECTING TO BE SPIT UPON.
And here is the top drawer remark: "We as Pakistani people need to change things and stop these terrorists from spoiling our cricket."
YOUR CRICKET??????? STOP THESE TERRORISTS FROM SPOILING YOUR CRICKET????? YOU ANTIQUATED ASININE ABOMINATION! YOU BLABBERING BRAINDEAD BOZO! YOU CLUELESS CRETINOUS CAVEMAN! YOU THINK IT IS YOUR “CRICKET” THAT IS IN IMMINENT DANGER OF EXTERMINATION?? YOUNIS, YOU CUN*, THERE ARE BARBARIANS HAMMERING AT YOUR GATES. ARE YOU DEAF TO THEIR CRIES? BEFORE YOU GET TO REALISE WHAT HAPPENED, THEY WILL DRAG YOU OUT OF YOUR REVERIE, BURN YOUR BOOKS, ASK YOU TO GROW A BEARD THAT IS AS AT LEAST AS BIG AS YOUR FIST, ROB YOUR WOMEN OF THE LAST VESTIGES OF HUMAN DIGNITY, BEAT THEM TILL ‘THEIR MOTHERS' MILK LEAKS OUT OF THEIR BONES’, ASK YOU TO SURRENDER YOUR SISTERS AND DAUGHTERS TO SATISFY THE ‘FIGHTERS’, AND RAPE THEM IN YOUR PRESENCE IF YOU REFUSE. AND WHAT YOU ARE BOTHERED ABOUT TODAY IS ‘TERRORISTS SPOILING YOUR CRICKET’!?! HOLY COW! HOLY GOAT! HOLY LIZARD, EVEN!!!!
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WHAT THE FUC* IS THE YOUTH OF POOPISTAN DOING? In response to the imperialist tendencies of the US administration in 1960’s and the Vietnam aggression, the youth of the US took to radical politics and metamorphosed into hippies. The SDS- Students for a Democratic Society- was set up and hordes of students went on strike or took over their universities asking for a control over their administration. in 1970, at the Kent State University in Ohio, four students were shot dead by National Guardsmen. On June 4, 1989, close to 3000 students and intellectuals were killed by Chinese tanks as they were protesting against the death of pro-market and pro-democracy official, Hu Yaobang at Tiananmen Square in Beijing. Closer home, youth demonstrators across cities shamed the Indian politicians across party lines after 26/11 and forced many cowardly Congress heads to roll. More recently, a single community on Facebook started by one Indian woman aged 29 turned into an international phenomenon, and covered leery fascists with truckloads of stinking, soggy pink chadhis. Paki youth seems to be content in migrating to the US of A, or lolling about on their feudal farms, or floating in the clouds soaked in the highs of chillum.

FUC* MAHESH BHATT. FUC* HIS DAUGHTER. FUC* NANDITA DAS. AND VINOD MEHTA. No amount of cultural exchanges can change the mindset of a society that sees being different from us as their raison d'etre. I say this despite having stood outside the NCPA in Mumbai, literally elbowing others for a ticket to the first ever Abida Parveen concert in India, and managing to coax a couple to hand me their spare ticket priced at 3500 bucks way back in 2004.

Japan had to be nuked. Germany had to be brought to its knees. This modern-day threat to world peace and stability, which is actually a making of the very powers that claim to be fighting it today, needs to be extirpated with absolute finality. And the powers that be in Poopistan are the last people capable of and willing to do it.

And last of all, FUC* the grandsons and granddaughters of Mahatma Gandhi who walk among us even today. Mahatma MY FOOT. I would have loved to see that moron Mahatma, with brains shrivelled to the size of his nuts, alive today. I would have loved to give him a kick in his butt and send him off to do his satyagraha shit before Osama, and come back with a Kalashnikov shoved up his behind. God knows for how long we will have to bear the brunt of decisions spurred by his idiosyncratic idealism, and further exacerbated by the naiveté of Nehru, the butthead who ordered a winning army to halt and retreat in Kashmir.

The Gandhi sham continues in this country to this day. Gandhi was supposedly a teetotaller and Gujarat, his birth place, is a dry state. Today, when a pair of Gandhi's rotten sandals and rusted pair of glasses and God knows what else crap has been purchased for 1.8 million dollars by a liquor baron, the whole country has exhaled a COLLECTIVE SIGH OF RELIEF! Hahahaha. Such a resounding SLLLAPPPPP Mallya has landed on the pallid cheeks of smug topi-wallahs.

TO HELL with Gandhi memorabilia. That shmuck called Otis should have swallowed them up and choked upon them and died an excruciating death, for all I care! WHAT difference does it make to this country of 22% of the population living BPL, if a goodie bag of Gandhi poop is brought back to this country? SCRE* the phony Gandhi lovers, bloody hypocrites and headline-seekers. And this toad called Otis wants India to reduce its expenditure on defence! I WISH HE WAS ON THAT BUS IN LAHORE AS WELL, AND HIS ASS WAS POUNDED WITH A MILLION BAZOOKAS BY THOSE COKE-PEDDLING 72-VIRGINS-CRAVING LUNATICS! That should have driven home to him the fact that mad dogs do not like the taste of olive branches, and that they NEED to be put on a leash.

Maybe there is a segment of Pakis that are still Pakistanis. I am told that there is indeed such a segment (told by my relatives in Pakistan). However, if this segment wants to halt the hurtling slide of Pakistan towards Poopistan, it needs to burn the fat off its bums. It needs to leave the deceiving indolence of Clifton in Karachi, shun the sickening riches on display at the LUMS campus in Lahore, stop loitering in the Lake View Park in Islamabad, and get ready to do what Sardars did in Punjab: FUC* THE FUC*STERS.